Memos From Fury

[Submitted by: Jacqui

Ms. Darcy Lewis will refrain from asking Wolverine if ALL of his bones were enhanced with adamantium. Any further questions about whether or not his bones are the hardest on Earth will result in her attending a sexual harassment seminar.]

[Submitted by: comics0026

No matter what Deadpool tells you, the X-gene mutation does not operate under “werewolf rules”.

As such, anyone who has been harassing Dr. McCoy, Wolverine, any visiting X-Men or any captured mutants is to stop immediately. Some of them will bite you, but you won’t gain any powers from the experience, just an out-of-pocket trip to medical.]

[Submitted by: hartthorn

The drinking contest between Mr. Logan and Thor has been cancelled. Agent Barton will be returning all of your bets. Mr. Stark will be billed for all expenses. And Dr. Banner can spend the next week re-purposing the 200 gallons of 400 proof whiskey into an alternate fuel for the Quinjets. If there are two people I don’t want drunk on my boat it’s the God of Thunder and a very irritable lightning rod.]

[Submitted by: foxwiththeredfeathers

Mr. Stark and Mr. Logan would like to impress upon all S.H.I.E.L.D. employees, consultants, and guests the necessity to please immediately report it if there is ever a shortage in the liquor cabinet.

Also, Director Nick Fury would like to impress upon you all that the fire alarm should not be used to communicate the shortage of alcohol, and the next person to do so will be thrown off the aircraft immediately.]

[Submitted by: wraithstrike

Use of the phrase “With Attitude” went out of style in the 90’s. Thus, consultants/employees of S.H.I.E.L.D. are no longer to refer to any hero currently in operation with this suffix.

For Example: The Nova Corps are Space Cops, not Space Cops “With Attitude.” Wolverine is a surly canadian, which makes the Attitude suffix redundant.

For further information: Any SHIELD agent caught using the “In My Pants” line from Scrubs will have to join Captain Rogers in the sexual harassment seminar.

That is all.]

[Submitted by: fae-of-the-rose & nothingnparticular

Agent Wilson is prohibited from cooking for Thanksgiving. Period.

In fact, Agent Wilson is not allowed near the kitchen on Thursday, November 24th. No one is to ask Wolverine to cut the turkey. And whoever told Loki about Black Friday sales will be paying for all damages out of pocket.]

[Submitted by: heystevejoe

The birthday party for Dr. Banner is being moved to the Olive Garden, as the funds for the S.H.I.E.L.D. Recreation Wing are once again being diverted, this time to replace the touch screen access points in the main lobby. This is also a reminder to any S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives and their guests to retract any adamantium claws that they might have before handling sensitive equipment or any part of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters that looks expensive.]