Memos From Fury

[Submitted by: CathrineRose

All agents are reminded that, while SHIELD is not the army, any action/item/activity inspired by “Skippy’s List” should be considered forbidden.

This means that you are not to:

• Consider it a “bucket list”, “to do list,” or any other form of plan.

• Inform Thor or Captain America that it is a list of tasks to be completed to join any club, society, “brotherhood of warriors” or any other organization.
• Inform recruits that it must be completed to join SHIELD.
• Suggest to other agencies that any item is encouraged in SHIELD.]

[Submitted by: Firestorm17 

All employees are to refrain from encouraging Loki to shift into non-humanoid forms.

Any shape that can be described as “tentacled,” “squamous,” “rugose,” and/or “eldritch” should be particularly discouraged.

On a related note, the biology department would like to meet with Thor in order to clarify the nature of several Asgardian lifeforms, particularly the one referred to as a “goat,” as there seems to have been at least one misunderstanding.]

[Submitted by: comics0026

In addition to Talk Like a Pirate Day, the following holidays are NOT celebrated by S.H.I.E.L.D.:

• Talk Like an Asgardian Day
• Deadpool Appreciation Day
• Hawaiian Pants Day
• Thor-toberfest
• Christmas in Stark’s Pants
• Mixed Drinks Mondays

No celebration of these holidays while on duty or on S.H.I.E.L.D. property will be tolerated.]

[Submitted by: madmaudlingoes

All S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel are reminded that Capt. Rogers and Thor Odinson have received extensive training in personal computing skills, including all the software in use on agency-owned machines and Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. They do not need your help to complete any of our electronic forms, no matter what vague or unsettling comments they may make about “tubes,” “runes,” “speaking lights,” “radio-vision,” “Internets,” or “cup holders.” Please do not aid or abet them.]

[Submitted by: sarisarahe

All agents are reminded that while offsite meals may on be expensed as work-related if proper documentation is provided, excursions to all-you-can-eat buffets involving Captain Rogers and Thor do not fall into that category.

Mr. Stark and Agent Barton are advised to cease submitting requests to that effect, as I have seen the YouTube video.]

[Submitted by: Arenal

Pop culture trivia contests between Thor Odinson and Capt. Rogers are banned, as they are physically painful to watch.]

[Submitted by: thecomposerofshibuya

Agent Wilson is reminded that the proper way to settle a dispute is not through “Mortal Kombat,” but through either civil discussion or paperwork. Also, it is inadvisable to attempt to perform a “fatality” on the God of Thunder.]

[Submitted by: bklynbruzer

Thor Odinson is reminded that we do not have bilgesnipe here, and we are not interested in having any imported.]

[Submitted by: jazzpha

The stash of Dark Matter in our fortified sub-basement is NOT for casual use. I don’t care how awesome a “road trip” to Asgard might be: we can’t go ripping random holes in the fabric of the universe, just because you want to sample some of Thor’s favorite home-brewed mead.]

[Submitted by: anothersideofthefiringline

All agents who challenge Thor to a drinking contest will be expected to PROVE they can drink him under the table. Our insurance does not cover any liver damage that may occur as a result of this.]