Memos From Fury

From the Desk of the Director

Posts tagged the human torch

511 notes

[Submitted by: agentwishiwasanavenger
All S.H.I.E.L.D personnel are hereby informed that attending the “S.H.I.E.L.D End of Summer Beach Bonfire” is a privilege, not a right and the entire event WILL be canceled should anyone attempt the following.
- Using Johnny Storm AKA The Human Torch as the bonfire.
- Stealing Loki’s helmet for s’mores.
- Convincing any not-culturally-up-to-date Agency individuals that the event is some sort of secret pagan ritual.
Furthermore, Mr. Stark is reminded that any and all variations of using lines about “having sand in his suit” will result in his being required to retake the ENTIRE sexual harassment course.]

[Submitted by: agentwishiwasanavenger

All S.H.I.E.L.D personnel are hereby informed that attending the “S.H.I.E.L.D End of Summer Beach Bonfire” is a privilege, not a right and the entire event WILL be canceled should anyone attempt the following.

- Using Johnny Storm AKA The Human Torch as the bonfire.

- Stealing Loki’s helmet for s’mores.

- Convincing any not-culturally-up-to-date Agency individuals that the event is some sort of secret pagan ritual.

Furthermore, Mr. Stark is reminded that any and all variations of using lines about “having sand in his suit” will result in his being required to retake the ENTIRE sexual harassment course.]

Filed under the human torch loki iron man Nick Fury S.H.I.E.L.D. The Avengers marvel submission

337 notes

[Submitted by: tokidokifish
I would like to invite all agents to disregard any and all memos circulated up to this point, as I have realized I am an anal-retentive spoilsport who hates fun.
ETA: Tony Stark is banned from S.H.I.E.L.D. premises for the next two weeks, and once again it is strongly suggested that all administrative personnel change their passwords on at least a weekly basis. 
ETAA: It is further suggested that said administrative personnel avoid passwords like ‘motherfuckingstark’, as they are remarkably easy to guess.
ETAAA: Johnny Storm will be allowed and actively encouraged to call himself “The Firewall” if he uses that position to set Mr. Stark on fire.]

[Submitted by: tokidokifish

I would like to invite all agents to disregard any and all memos circulated up to this point, as I have realized I am an anal-retentive spoilsport who hates fun.

ETA: Tony Stark is banned from S.H.I.E.L.D. premises for the next two weeks, and once again it is strongly suggested that all administrative personnel change their passwords on at least a weekly basis. 

ETAA: It is further suggested that said administrative personnel avoid passwords like ‘motherfuckingstark’, as they are remarkably easy to guess.

ETAAA: Johnny Storm will be allowed and actively encouraged to call himself “The Firewall” if he uses that position to set Mr. Stark on fire.]

Filed under iron man the human torch Nick Fury S.H.I.E.L.D. The Avengers marvel submission

200 notes

[Submitted by: the-master-yen-sid, musings-and-lyrics, & neitherthebeginningnortheend
Johnny Storm, AKA the Human Torch, is no longer allowed to attempt to cook Thanksgiving dinner using his powers to ‘speed up the process’. The cleaning staff is threatening to strike if they have to clean another turkey explosion from the kitchen.
Also, no matter how “fast and efficient” he claims it is, Loki is not to attempt to use the power of his staff to cook dinner for the office party EVER AGAIN. 
In fact, unless you are on the kitchen staff, you are not allowed to make ANY MORE FOOD. I don’t care if ‘you can totally cook.’ Sick Bay is full and not accepting any more food poisoning cases.]

[Submitted by: the-master-yen-sidmusings-and-lyrics, & neitherthebeginningnortheend

Johnny Storm, AKA the Human Torch, is no longer allowed to attempt to cook Thanksgiving dinner using his powers to ‘speed up the process’. The cleaning staff is threatening to strike if they have to clean another turkey explosion from the kitchen.

Also, no matter how “fast and efficient” he claims it is, Loki is not to attempt to use the power of his staff to cook dinner for the office party EVER AGAIN. 

In fact, unless you are on the kitchen staff, you are not allowed to make ANY MORE FOOD. I don’t care if ‘you can totally cook.’ Sick Bay is full and not accepting any more food poisoning cases.]

Filed under the human torch loki Nick Fury S.H.I.E.L.D. The Avengers marvel submission thanksgiving