Posts tagged the hulk
Posts tagged the hulk
Let it be known that S.H.I.E.L.D. Command does not condone the actions of last Saturday evening.
While the Director appreciates that members of the Avengers Initiative, wished to help him celebrate his birthday, we cannot condone the waste of manpower, and time that was required to remove the Director’s personal fighter from the ceiling of the landing bay.
We appreciate that Alaska is considered the duct-tape capital of the world, but several manufacturers are now scrambling to cover the sudden surge of orders in the state, thanks to this prank.
While we are sure that State of Alaska appreciates the sudden influx of S.H.I.E.L.D. funds and personnel, we have assured them that nothing like this will ever be allowed to happen again.
If Mr Stark has any questions on this matter, he should be refered directly to Directory Fury’s office.We have been assured that Director Fury has been taking the anti-psychotics that were prescribed by Doctor Banner, and that the green tinge to his skin is a normal side-effect of this treatment.
[Submitted by: insolentwitch
It has become apparent that I must make an addendum to the previous memo about not accepting candy from R&D. I knew you had needed the warning about refusing candy from mild, sweet, seemingly innocent Dr. Banner. I didn’t think you would actually have to be warned about the Hulk.
So let me be clear: DO NOT ACCEPT CANDY FROM THE HULK. No, not even if he eats some himself. Especially if he looks innocent while saying, “Hulk just want friends. Why no one want to take Hulk’s candy and be friends?” Anyone else who falls for this will be paying their own medical bills. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Health Plan doesn’t cover flagrant acts of dumbassery.]
[Submitted by: notanightlight
Do NOT accept any candy from the R&D department this Halloween. They have been having a hard time getting volunteer test subjects recently and are not above playing dirty.
Please keep this in mind, even if Dr. Banner approaches you in his mild-mannered, soft-spoken, earnestly-shy, non-threatening way. You should know better by now, people.]
[Submitted by: eager-love-revenge
All agents are to address Henry Pym and Bruce Banner as “Dr. Pym” and “Dr. Banner” respectively, regardless of the number of post-graduate degrees between them.
On a related note, under no circumstances should Mr. Stark be addressed as “Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Stark”, despite his insistence.]
[Submitted by: rover09
The Requisitions Department would like to remind all staff that when filling out supply requisition forms, ass-load, shit-load, and butt-load are not proper numbers. Any forms using them as numbers will be ignored.
They would also like to remind Dr. Banner that supplies do not come in fractional or decimal amounts. We do not have 3.14 boxes of shatter-proof test-tubes.]
[Submitted by: comics0026
In the event that Dr. Banner suffers a Wardrobe Malfunction while “Hulking Out,” personnel are reminded that taking a picture of said Malfunction (even if it’s for “official personnel use”) is strictly prohibited as a violation of Dr. Banner’s privacy.
S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel are also warned that Dr. Banner WILL find out about any such photos, as Loki greatly enjoys watching the Hulk “beat the crap out of OTHER people.”]
[Submitted by: heavilyparaphrased
Doctors Banner, Ross, Foster, and Pym are reminded that there is no need to “double check” anything tested on Mythbusters, especially not during work hours.
Also, since several people have asked: there are currently no plans for S.H.I.E.L.D. to team up with the Mythbusters. Mr. Stark is making his own arrangements, so any further inquiries should be directed towards him.]
[Submitted by: aspermoth
Staff are reminded that filling Dr. Banner’s laboratory with cans of Jolly Green Giant canned vegetables is not only insensitive, but also interrupts his delicate scientific studies. Those responsible will be required to scrub any debris from the laboratory with a toothbrush. You have been warned.]
[Submitted by: David
Starting Wednesday, S.H.I.E.L.D will begin tryouts for our annual, four-team fall softball league. Mr. Stark has been named commissioner (and will not play) for this season, following his antics in center-field last season. The winning team will receive a three-day pass and a 50% off coupon for shawarma and a fountain drink at Shawarma Palace.
Dr. Banner will be umpiring all games this season. He would like to remind you that all transdimentional portals, as well as the use of black holes, are banned in the defensive field of play.
A reminder to all participants that arguing with the umpire is considered an “at-risk” activity and therefore will not covered under S.H.I.E.L.D.’s health plan.
Gambling on S.H.I.E.L.D. softball games is forbidden.]