Memos From Fury

From the Desk of the Director

Posts tagged submission

429 notes

A reminder to all agents:  Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is anyone to give Deadpool glitter.  The next time this happens, the offender will be trussed up and placed on Deadpool’s doorstep to do with what he wants.

A reminder to all agents:  Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is anyone to give Deadpool glitter.  The next time this happens, the offender will be trussed up and placed on Deadpool’s doorstep to do with what he wants.

Filed under deadpool submission s.h.i.e.l.d.

198 notes

Submitted by RealmMan

The Chitauri portal device is not to be used as a garbage disposal.We have better things to do than start an interdimensional warwith whom- or whatever is on the other side because someonewas too lazy to find a trash can.

Submitted by RealmMan

The Chitauri portal device is not to be used as a garbage disposal.

We have better things to do than start an interdimensional war
with whom- or whatever is on the other side because someone
was too lazy to find a trash can.

Filed under submission nick fury s.h.i.e.l.d. chitauri

112 notes

Brotherly bonding notwithstanding, it is not in the best interests of the Division to have Captain America run up the flag pole to celebrate the U.S. Flag Day or Independence Day holidays.
Thor and Loki are hereby assigned to clean up after Dr. Banner’s most recent Hulk rampage. I expect to find everything repaired, in good order, and clean no later than 2200 hours today. Captain Rogers will be by to perform a white glove inspection at that time.

Brotherly bonding notwithstanding, it is not in the best interests of the Division to have Captain America run up the flag pole to celebrate the U.S. Flag Day or Independence Day holidays.

Thor and Loki are hereby assigned to clean up after Dr. Banner’s most recent Hulk rampage. I expect to find everything repaired, in good order, and clean no later than 2200 hours today. Captain Rogers will be by to perform a white glove inspection at that time.

Filed under memosfromfury submission avengers thor loki

1,235 notes

Whoever sent 64 paternity suit letters to Mr. Stark as a Father’s Day present needs to identify themselves to me immediately.
There will be no disciplinary action. I just need to know where to send the fruit basket.

Whoever sent 64 paternity suit letters to Mr. Stark as a Father’s Day present needs to identify themselves to me immediately.


There will be no disciplinary action. I just need to know where to send the fruit basket.

Filed under submission nick fury iron man

120 notes

Sir-
It would seem that all the printers in the building will only print pages saying: “All work and no play makes Fury a dull boy”. IT says they can’t find anything wrong with the system. We would very much appreciate it if whichever Avenger is involved would fix it ASAP. We already have a backlog of reports that will take the better part of the holiday weekend to reprint.

Sir-

It would seem that all the printers in the building will only print pages saying: “All work and no play makes Fury a dull boy”. IT says they can’t find anything wrong with the system. We would very much appreciate it if whichever Avenger is involved would fix it ASAP. We already have a backlog of reports that will take the better part of the holiday weekend to reprint.

Filed under submission nick fury

538 notes

I do not care if Agent Wilson is annoying, he is a SHIELD Agent, not ‘an infinitely resuable sacrifice to the Allfather’ for Summer Solstice, Autumn Equinox, Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. I don’t care if he says its okay with him, its not okay with me.
This means you. 
Loki.
In related news, Loki’s pointy objects privileges have been revoked after this incident and another one involving Agent Wilson and a pencil. 
Whoever showed Loki ‘The Dark Knight’ is sentenced to being new handler for the Young Avengers.

I do not care if Agent Wilson is annoying, he is a SHIELD Agent, not ‘an infinitely resuable sacrifice to the Allfather’ for Summer Solstice, Autumn Equinox, Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. I don’t care if he says its okay with him, its not okay with me.

This means you. 

Loki.

In related news, Loki’s pointy objects privileges have been revoked after this incident and another one involving Agent Wilson and a pencil. 

Whoever showed Loki ‘The Dark Knight’ is sentenced to being new handler for the Young Avengers.

Filed under submission nick fury deadpool loki

304 notes

If you willingly offer yourself as Assistant to Loki as part of his magic act in the ‘SHIELD Got’s Talent’ show, any injuries will not be covered under the SHIELD Health Policy, as this comes under ‘Flagrant Acts of Dumbassery’ clause which rules all claims to medical assistance and compensation invalid.

If you survive long enough to claim health coverage, you will be forced to submit to both an IQ test and a psychiatric evaluation. You are either too dumb to work for SHIELD or insane enough to be classed in the same category of insanity as Agent Wilson.

If you willingly offer yourself as Assistant to Loki as part of his magic act in the ‘SHIELD Got’s Talent’ show, any injuries will not be covered under the SHIELD Health Policy, as this comes under ‘Flagrant Acts of Dumbassery’ clause which rules all claims to medical assistance and compensation invalid.

If you survive long enough to claim health coverage, you will be forced to submit to both an IQ test and a psychiatric evaluation. You are either too dumb to work for SHIELD or insane enough to be classed in the same category of insanity as Agent Wilson.

Filed under submission nick fury deadpool loki