[Submission from: hideyourfire

In light of recent events, Base #13 is now under Level 3 Quarantine until such a time as the creature is found and exterminated.

All personnel are vehemently reminded not to accept unsolicited gifts from Agent Wilson. Ever.]

[Submitted by: the-goddess-sigyn

Clint Barton is asked not to refer to Valkyrie as ‘pants-droppingly hot’, as she may not understand what this means, but is obviously intelligent enough to take it as an insult and actually cause Barton bodily harm. ]

[Submitted by: heystevejoe

As a part of our insurance agreement S.H.I.E.L.D. is required to monitor the online activities of all or our staff. As such: Jean Grey is requested to please stop periodically deleting her ‘tumblr’ blog and starting a new account. Also, the ‘Invisible Woman Drinking Game’ is to cease immediately. Sue Storm is entitled to ‘reblog’ any posts that she feel express her ‘feeling invisible’ without staff heckling her for it.]

[Submitted by: lokigodoftumblr

Agent Barton AKA Hawkeye is cautioned that if he should continue to refer to Loki as Blueberry Boy, or God of the Frost Midgets, he does so at his own peril. It is also highly unacceptable to douse Loki in pancake batter yelling “I LOVE BLUEBERRY PANCAKES”]

[Submitted by: heystevejoe

The birthday party for Dr. Banner is being moved to the Olive Garden, as the funds for the S.H.I.E.L.D. Recreation Wing are once again being diverted, this time to replace the touch screen access points in the main lobby. This is also a reminder to any S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives and their guests to retract any adamantium claws that they might have before handling sensitive equipment or any part of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters that looks expensive.]

[Submitted by: Derek Metaltron 

Can someone please get Agent O’Grady to understand that the Ant Man armor and Pym Particle technology has not been designed to ‘Check Out Super Hot Heroines In The Showers’? Agent Danvers is particularly keen to stress this although I am doing so in a less physically painful manner than she wishes to.]

[Submitted by: heystevejoe

Johnny Storm AKA The Human Torch will stop disabling the S.H.I.E.L.D. internet security under the premise that he is, “the only firewall we need.” In addition, his co-workers would like to ask Mr. Storm to stop referring to himself as, ‘The Firewall.’]

[Submitted by: averzierlia

It is rude and hurtful to yell ‘I DO WHAT I WANT, THOR’ whenever Thor says something if you are not Loki. If you ARE Loki, then you should know that your brother is currently crying in the 2nd floor women’s bathroom and we would appreciate it if you would go comfort him because as far as we can tell from what he’s saying, he wants to hug you.]

[Submitted by: annadressedinblood

Agent Stark is reminded that there are other songs besides “Iron Man” available to play during designated ‘Rock Band Nights.’

Additionally, if he is found to have hacked the XBox in a way that it can only play one particular song, his video game privileges will be revoked indefinitely.]