Memos From Fury

[Submitted by: spookynebula

When Agent Hill says “Let’s get down to business,” the correct response is not to sing “Be a MAN!”]

[Submitted by: heavilyparaphrased

The Second Annual S.H.I.E.L.D. Halloween Party and Costume Contest will be taking place on October 27th, 2012 at Avengers Tower, beginning at 2100 hours. Assistant Director Hill, Agent Coulson, and I will be judging the costume contest. This year, all eligible costumes must include proper coverage, as anyone who flashes any of the judges, deliberately or inadvertently, will be automatically disqualified.]

[Submitted by: thegirlinthebyakko

Agents Romanoff and Barton are hereby informed that I’m well aware of the little bet between them and that ‘who can scare the shit out of the most Helicarrier staff in a month’ is not an appropriate use of their time. The counselling office is full, there are three people crying in my office, and Agent Hill is starting to develop that nervous twitch in her left eye again.]

[Submitted by: williamthebloody

Despite the possible PR value, there are no plans to produce ‘Captain America Authentic Steve Rogers Flavored Capsicles.’  Please stop contacting manufacturers.

In addition, I have been very reliably informed that Mr. Stark’s suggestion as to what the ‘authentic flavoring’ could entail contravenes several laws.

Agent Hill has also asked me to point out to Mr. Stark that, despite his assertions, she does know “exactly to what he refers.”]

[Submitted by: stuffertystuffstuff

Maria Hill wants it to be acknowledged that Agent Coulson’s “death” was traumatic for everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D and that grief affects everyone differently. As such, all S.H.I.E.L.D personnel are to stop performing dramatic reenactments of her reaction to the news. Immediately. 

No matter how hilarious and accurate they are.]

[Submitted by: Kane

It is not advisable to ask Agent Maria Hill if she would like to “go to the mall today”, on any day.

S.H.I.E.L.D. will not be responsible for any consequences.]