Posts tagged loki
Posts tagged loki
Thor and Loki are hereby informed that their presentation on the appropriation of pagan fertility symbols into modern holidays – while informative - was ill-timed. Easter is always on a Sunday; there is no need for this sh*t to take place during business hours.
We WILL find out who convinced Loki to magically transform the agent on Deadpool-sitting duty into a giant chimichanga.
[Submitted by: Erik Jackson
Mr. Stark has recently suffered a curse from Loki that has rendered him incapable of any speech or movement. He is currently resting in the third room of the infirmary. Thank you notes to Loki can be sent to his quarters.]
It is the stated objective of S.H.I.E.L.D to protect the nations and people from all threats terestial or extraterrestrial.
Diverting the Helicarrier to rescue a kitten is not a threat to a nation or more than a few families. No matter how many times Loki says you have permission.
Failure to follow this directive will result in a deduction from any Agent’s pay who issues or assists with said order to pay for the temp worker to straighten out civil flight plans.
[Whether or not they think he might be listening at the time, the next person to refer to Loki as a Grinch will be responsible for dealing with the city’s worth of children that have had their Christmas stolen.]
[Submitted by: Gayle
Regarding the upcoming Halloween party, Loki is to be reminded that bobbing for apples is a time-honored tradition that does not require modification. Specifically, the apples do not need a “sporting chance” and should not be enchanted to bite back.]
Those agents are morons. Anyone who thinks that Loki-sitting ISN’T a severe enough punishment is a moron.
He’s not going to play cute little tricks on you. He’s going to attempt to remove your internal organs with sharp things.
[Submitted by: grimsister21
Agent Wilson is not allowed to make a life sized piñata of me for the office Halloween party. Also, Loki and Mr. Stark are not allowed to help him record me, make said piñata sound like me, animate the piñata, and so on.
If something like this will happens, I WILL use the three of them as my own piñatas.]
[Submitted by: John R. McFerren
After several instances of Drunk Science, we are prohibiting the viewing of all episodes of Mythbusters involving alcohol until further notice. Anyone caught viewing an episode of Mythbusters while imbibing alcohol during this prohibition will be given Loki-sitting duty for a month.]
[Submitted by: Firestorm17
All employees are to refrain from encouraging Loki to shift into non-humanoid forms.
Any shape that can be described as “tentacled,” “squamous,” “rugose,” and/or “eldritch” should be particularly discouraged.
On a related note, the biology department would like to meet with Thor in order to clarify the nature of several Asgardian lifeforms, particularly the one referred to as a “goat,” as there seems to have been at least one misunderstanding.]