Memos From Fury

From the Desk of the Director

Posts tagged iron man

526 notes

Mr Stark is hereby banned from attempting a career in politics because he thinks he ‘could do it better’.
The President of the United States is, nominally, the most powerful person in the world.
I do not want to see the world according to Tony Stark

Mr Stark is hereby banned from attempting a career in politics because he thinks he ‘could do it better’.

The President of the United States is, nominally, the most powerful person in the world.

I do not want to see the world according to Tony Stark

Filed under nick fury iron man submission

233 notes

Everyone is reminded that Agent Coulson’s new team member’s all have Clearance Level above most of you, especially you Mr. Stark. You’re Computer privileges have already been revoked. Stop trying to get them to look into Agent Coulson’s Personal file. Nor will hacking into the system help you find out if Agent K is Agent Coulson’s father. 
Therefore, failure to comply will result in Agent Coulson getting out his Taser and a long stay in medical from Mr. Stark.
Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any actionthey deem necessary against whom ever it was that moved bugged or scratched Lola after their former Handler gave orders not too.

Everyone is reminded that Agent Coulson’s new team member’s all have Clearance Level above most of you, especially you Mr. Stark. You’re Computer privileges have already been revoked. Stop trying to get them to look into Agent Coulson’s Personal file. Nor will hacking into the system help you find out if Agent K is Agent Coulson’s father. 

Therefore, failure to comply will result in Agent Coulson getting out his Taser and a long stay in medical from Mr. Stark.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any actionthey deem necessary against whom ever it was that moved bugged or scratched Lola after their former Handler gave orders not too.

Filed under submission nick fury iron man black widow agent coulson hawkeye

1,235 notes

Whoever sent 64 paternity suit letters to Mr. Stark as a Father’s Day present needs to identify themselves to me immediately.
There will be no disciplinary action. I just need to know where to send the fruit basket.

Whoever sent 64 paternity suit letters to Mr. Stark as a Father’s Day present needs to identify themselves to me immediately.


There will be no disciplinary action. I just need to know where to send the fruit basket.

Filed under submission nick fury iron man

224 notes

Whoever convinced Mr Stark and Hercules to hold a ‘who is the biggest stud’ competition based on past conquests is to be sentenced to a month of Loki and/or Deadpool sitting. The reasoning for this is because a reasonable debate changed when Mr Stark hacked into the Helicarrier’s systems and downloaded several dozen gigabytes worth of HD videos featuring his sexual escapades on the SHIELD bank account as evidence. 

As a result, I am now getting porn adverts, computer viruses and offers of counselling from the government every time I turn on my computer.

If whoever is behind it does not own up, they will be given to Loki as a test subject. I am not pleased.

Whoever convinced Mr Stark and Hercules to hold a ‘who is the biggest stud’ competition based on past conquests is to be sentenced to a month of Loki and/or Deadpool sitting. The reasoning for this is because a reasonable debate changed when Mr Stark hacked into the Helicarrier’s systems and downloaded several dozen gigabytes worth of HD videos featuring his sexual escapades on the SHIELD bank account as evidence. 

As a result, I am now getting porn adverts, computer viruses and offers of counselling from the government every time I turn on my computer.

If whoever is behind it does not own up, they will be given to Loki as a test subject. I am not pleased.

Filed under submission nick fury iron man deadpool loki

445 notes

No matter what Mr. Stark says, Friday is NOT the international holiday “Iron Man Christmas”. 
No agents will be given vacation or sick days on Friday so you can go see Mr. Stark’s new movie.
And to answer your questions now, yes, I have seen the movie - it was good, but could’ve used more of Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.

No matter what Mr. Stark says, Friday is NOT the international holiday “Iron Man Christmas”. 

No agents will be given vacation or sick days on Friday so you can go see Mr. Stark’s new movie.

And to answer your questions now, yes, I have seen the movie - it was good, but could’ve used more of Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.

Filed under submission iron man

165 notes

Be advised that “You’ll never see me coming” is NOT an acceptable 
RSVP response to Mr. Stark’s office party invitation.  

S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for any outbursts of 
“good old fashioned revenge” that this the use of this phrase
triggers on the part of Mr. Stark.

Be advised that “You’ll never see me coming” is NOT an acceptable 

RSVP response to Mr. Stark’s office party invitation.  

S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for any outbursts of 

“good old fashioned revenge” that this the use of this phrase

triggers on the part of Mr. Stark.

Filed under submission iron man

187 notes

April Fool’s Day Memo - “The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier is one of the most sophisticated military vehicles on the planet.  Any unauthorized use, especially if followed by the phrase “April Fools!”, will result in disciplinary action.

On a related note, Mr. Stark WILL be billed for the damages he caused while piloting the Helicarrier.  It was not designed to go that low over residential areas, even if it’s over a supermodel’s house.”

April Fool’s Day Memo - “The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier is one of the most sophisticated military vehicles on the planet.  Any unauthorized use, especially if followed by the phrase “April Fools!”, will result in disciplinary action.

On a related note, Mr. Stark WILL be billed for the damages he caused while piloting the Helicarrier.  It was not designed to go that low over residential areas, even if it’s over a supermodel’s house.”

Filed under submission iron man

351 notes

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.
Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.
Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.

Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.

Filed under submission iron man black widow hawkeye