Memos From Fury

Whoever convinced Mr Stark and Hercules to hold a ‘who is the biggest stud’ competition based on past conquests is to be sentenced to a month of Loki and/or Deadpool sitting. The reasoning for this is because a reasonable debate changed when Mr Stark hacked into the Helicarrier’s systems and downloaded several dozen gigabytes worth of HD videos featuring his sexual escapades on the SHIELD bank account as evidence. 

As a result, I am now getting porn adverts, computer viruses and offers of counselling from the government every time I turn on my computer.

If whoever is behind it does not own up, they will be given to Loki as a test subject. I am not pleased.

No matter what Mr. Stark says, Friday is NOT the international holiday “Iron Man Christmas”. 

No agents will be given vacation or sick days on Friday so you can go see Mr. Stark’s new movie.

And to answer your questions now, yes, I have seen the movie - it was good, but could’ve used more of Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.

Be advised that “You’ll never see me coming” is NOT an acceptable 

RSVP response to Mr. Stark’s office party invitation.  

S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for any outbursts of 

“good old fashioned revenge” that this the use of this phrase

triggers on the part of Mr. Stark.

April Fool’s Day Memo - “The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier is one of the most sophisticated military vehicles on the planet.  Any unauthorized use, especially if followed by the phrase “April Fools!”, will result in disciplinary action.

On a related note, Mr. Stark WILL be billed for the damages he caused while piloting the Helicarrier.  It was not designed to go that low over residential areas, even if it’s over a supermodel’s house.”

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.

Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.

Submitted by RealmMan

Regarding Mr. Stark’s proposed St. Patrick’s Day celebration:


The short answer is, “No.”


The long answer is, “Hell, no.”

The House Keeping Department would like to remind all staff to stop sending them “gummed up” wash cloths and any other questionably soiled linens. 

They WILL find you.

Re: yesterday’s “unpleasantness”:

Lt. Col. Rhodes - I am disappointed, Colonel.  I expected better from you. 

Mr. Stark - I did not expect better from you.  However, I am still f***ing pissed.

Capt. Rogers - You tried.  Next time, try harder.

While we here at S.H.I.E.L.D. do appreciate a little bit of culture every so often, I must ask that whoever has programmed the computer to acknowledge Agent Barton’s login with the “William Tell Overture” please disable this feature immediately, Mr. Stark.

P.S. This also applies to the “Hi, yo, Silver, away!” that the computer now emits whenever the helicarrier thrusters are engaged.

The unauthorized (and frankly disturbing) “Avengers slash-fic” forum discovered on the SHIELD computer system has been deleted.

In an unrelated matter, Mr. Stark’s computer privleges have been revoked until further notice.