Memos From Fury

Loki is reminded that the Chitauri sceptre no longer belongs to him, and that it should be returned immediately.

He is also obligated to return agent Barton to his former, uncompromised state once more. We can only rely on agent Romanoff’s violence for so long.

Loki is reminded that agent Barton answers to me, and only me, no matter how much you “Miss your little Hawk”.

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.

Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.

While we here at S.H.I.E.L.D. do appreciate a little bit of culture every so often, I must ask that whoever has programmed the computer to acknowledge Agent Barton’s login with the “William Tell Overture” please disable this feature immediately, Mr. Stark.

P.S. This also applies to the “Hi, yo, Silver, away!” that the computer now emits whenever the helicarrier thrusters are engaged.

[Submitted by: Aerowyn 

It is not recommended to come in dressed as your favorite office couple (or possible couple) because it’s “cute” and you “totally ship it.” Especially if said couple is on the Avengers team. 

Especially if you come in costume as two certain assassins.]

[Submitted by: thegirlinthebyakko

Agents Romanoff and Barton are hereby informed that I’m well aware of the little bet between them and that ‘who can scare the shit out of the most Helicarrier staff in a month’ is not an appropriate use of their time. The counselling office is full, there are three people crying in my office, and Agent Hill is starting to develop that nervous twitch in her left eye again.]

[Submitted by: 42andeverything

Mr. Stark is reminded that attempting to sleep with the instructor of the  sexual harassment seminar is frowned upon. She is fully combat trained, and will not increase your score.

All agents are reminded that there is no official S.H.I.E.L.D sponsored pool on the number of times Mr. Stark will be required to take the sexual harassment seminar in a given month. Agent Barton will returning all bets already placed immediately.]

[Submitted by: sarisarahe

All agents are reminded that while offsite meals may on be expensed as work-related if proper documentation is provided, excursions to all-you-can-eat buffets involving Captain Rogers and Thor do not fall into that category.

Mr. Stark and Agent Barton are advised to cease submitting requests to that effect, as I have seen the YouTube video.]

[Submitted by: blasfemme

Claiming a section of the Helicarrier as a sovereign territory by planting a flag in said section does not make it a queen/kingdom. Therefore, declaring diplomatic immunity for any ensuing felonies and or crimes will not be allowed.

Citizens of “Starklandia,” “Clintopolis,” and “Darcytopia” will immediately disband or face disciplinary action.]

gingerhaze:

Master assassins on a top-secret mission

((Not a memo, but I had to reblog.))

[Submitted by: antonomasia09

Agent Barton has not seen me dance the Macarena. If he claims that he has, he is lying.]