Memos From Fury

[Submitted by: blasfemme

Claiming a section of the Helicarrier as a sovereign territory by planting a flag in said section does not make it a queen/kingdom. Therefore, declaring diplomatic immunity for any ensuing felonies and or crimes will not be allowed.

Citizens of “Starklandia,” “Clintopolis,” and “Darcytopia” will immediately disband or face disciplinary action.]

[Submitted by: Jacqui

Ms. Darcy Lewis will refrain from asking Wolverine if ALL of his bones were enhanced with adamantium. Any further questions about whether or not his bones are the hardest on Earth will result in her attending a sexual harassment seminar.]

[Submitted by: Jabberwocky

Agents of SHIELD are reminded that Miss Darcy Lewis is NOT the official pin up girl of SHIELD, no matter what she or Agent Wilson says.

Also, a reminder that anything to do with publicity MUST go through the PR department, not Mr. Stark.]

[Submitted by: spaci1701

All personnel are reminded that ‘Stealth Cosmetology’ is not a technique that will ever required in a combat scenario. At no time is it acceptable for any member of S.H.I.E.L.D. to break into another’s quarters to alter their appearence in any way.

On that note, Dr. Foster and Ms. Lewis have generously offered their personal time to provide free manicures and pedicures to all S.H.I.E.L.D. personel who actually WANT them.

Dr. Foster, a delegation will be at your lab at 0900 hours tomorrow to discuss the appropriate solvent for the apparently indestructible nail polish you developed. Work fast. The Hulk is our spokesperson.]

[Submitted by: geniusincombatboots

Ms. Darcy Lewis is forbidden from pretending to be a survey taker for S.H.E.I.L.D. She is also not allowed to use this pretense as an excuse to ask Avengers if their muffin is buttered, or in need of buttering.]

Submitted by: infinitys-smile

Agent Clint Barton AKA Hawkeye and Miss Darcy Lewis are not to encourage Mr. Stark to turn his Iron Man suit into a portable DJ soundsystem. 

The Avengers do not require background music no matter how “bitching” it would make their “fight scenes.”

[Submitted by: cirquedesreves

Miss Darcy Lewis would like to request that:

a) When Lady Sif is visiting Midgard, she and Thor lock their door when they decide to ‘bond.’

b) That they do NOT bond in her room.]

Submitted by: csewardrun

Miss Darcy Lewis is not allowed to handle weapons on S.H.I.E.L.D. property, specifically tasers or electroshock weapons, ever. Miss Lewis is not to be referred to as Taser Girl, it only encourages her.