Memos From Fury

From the Desk of the Director

Posts tagged black widow

234 notes

Everyone is reminded that Agent Coulson’s new team member’s all have Clearance Level above most of you, especially you Mr. Stark. You’re Computer privileges have already been revoked. Stop trying to get them to look into Agent Coulson’s Personal file. Nor will hacking into the system help you find out if Agent K is Agent Coulson’s father. 
Therefore, failure to comply will result in Agent Coulson getting out his Taser and a long stay in medical from Mr. Stark.
Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any actionthey deem necessary against whom ever it was that moved bugged or scratched Lola after their former Handler gave orders not too.

Everyone is reminded that Agent Coulson’s new team member’s all have Clearance Level above most of you, especially you Mr. Stark. You’re Computer privileges have already been revoked. Stop trying to get them to look into Agent Coulson’s Personal file. Nor will hacking into the system help you find out if Agent K is Agent Coulson’s father. 

Therefore, failure to comply will result in Agent Coulson getting out his Taser and a long stay in medical from Mr. Stark.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any actionthey deem necessary against whom ever it was that moved bugged or scratched Lola after their former Handler gave orders not too.

Filed under submission nick fury iron man black widow agent coulson hawkeye

581 notes

[Submitted by RealmMan]
Regarding last month’s incident in the women’s locker room:

I know who’s responsible.

More importantly, Agent Romanov knows who’s responsible.

I’ve taken the liberty of proactively notifying your next of kin.

[Submitted by RealmMan]

Regarding last month’s incident in the women’s locker room:

I know who’s responsible.

More importantly, Agent Romanov knows who’s responsible.

I’ve taken the liberty of proactively notifying your next of kin.

Filed under submission nick fury black widow

353 notes

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.
Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.
Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.

Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.

Filed under submission iron man black widow hawkeye

288 notes

I would like to remind everyone that captured alien technology is not a toy, and it is imperative that the Chitauri Mind Control device be returned to R&D immediately.
Incidentally, whoever is responsible for uploading the videos of Agent Romanov clucking and pecking while wearing a chicken costume would be strongly advised to expunge all records and copies immediately.  She will find you, and even S.H.I.E.L.D.’s vast resources won’t be able to save you.

I would like to remind everyone that captured alien technology is not a toy, and it is imperative that the Chitauri Mind Control device be returned to R&D immediately.

Incidentally, whoever is responsible for uploading the videos of Agent Romanov clucking and pecking while wearing a chicken costume would be strongly advised to expunge all records and copies immediately.  She will find you, and even S.H.I.E.L.D.’s vast resources won’t be able to save you.

Filed under submission black widow

266 notes

[Submitted by: Aerowyn 
It is not recommended to come in dressed as your favorite office couple (or possible couple) because it’s “cute” and you “totally ship it.” Especially if said couple is on the Avengers team. 
Especially if you come in costume as two certain assassins.]

[Submitted by: Aerowyn 

It is not recommended to come in dressed as your favorite office couple (or possible couple) because it’s “cute” and you “totally ship it.” Especially if said couple is on the Avengers team. 

Especially if you come in costume as two certain assassins.]

Filed under nick fury hawkeye black widow submission

143 notes

S.H.I.E.L.D. prides itself on being a world class intelligence agency, and as such expects a certain level of professionalism in it’s facilities.
Whomever installed the new voice pack to the verbal command system should uninstall it immediately.  Several of the trainee agents have had to report to medical facilities for excessive “turgidness” from their interactions with the computer.
Agent Romanov has yet to interact with the computer, but is scheduled to come on duty in a few hours.  For your sake Mr Stark I pray that you remove the software before that point. HR informed me that you failed your recent Sexual Harassment refresher, and I’d hate to have to revoke more privileges from you.

S.H.I.E.L.D. prides itself on being a world class intelligence agency, and as such expects a certain level of professionalism in it’s facilities.

Whomever installed the new voice pack to the verbal command system should uninstall it immediately.  Several of the trainee agents have had to report to medical facilities for excessive “turgidness” from their interactions with the computer.

Agent Romanov has yet to interact with the computer, but is scheduled to come on duty in a few hours.  For your sake Mr Stark I pray that you remove the software before that point. HR informed me that you failed your recent Sexual Harassment refresher, and I’d hate to have to revoke more privileges from you.

Filed under submission iron man black widow

1,027 notes

[Submitted by: thegirlinthebyakko
Agents Romanoff and Barton are hereby informed that I’m well aware of the little bet between them and that ‘who can scare the shit out of the most Helicarrier staff in a month’ is not an appropriate use of their time. The counselling office is full, there are three people crying in my office, and Agent Hill is starting to develop that nervous twitch in her left eye again.]

[Submitted by: thegirlinthebyakko

Agents Romanoff and Barton are hereby informed that I’m well aware of the little bet between them and that ‘who can scare the shit out of the most Helicarrier staff in a month’ is not an appropriate use of their time. The counselling office is full, there are three people crying in my office, and Agent Hill is starting to develop that nervous twitch in her left eye again.]

Filed under black widow hawkeye maria hill nick fury submission

494 notes

[Submitted by: dandelion-inthe-wind
Agent Romanoff ought to be reminded that, when a minor who is not in the Young Avengers or Avengers Academy program asks if she “has only killed bad guys,” the correct answer is ALWAYS “Yes.” 
She is now required to read the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People: Children’s Edition.”]

[Submitted by: dandelion-inthe-wind

Agent Romanoff ought to be reminded that, when a minor who is not in the Young Avengers or Avengers Academy program asks if she “has only killed bad guys,” the correct answer is ALWAYS “Yes.” 

She is now required to read the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People: Children’s Edition.”]

Filed under black widow nick fury submission

547 notes

[Submitted by: vlyandra
All personnel are hereby reminded that betting Agent Romanoff that she can not make a given item into a weapon is considered to be a serious rookie mistake, and that S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for medical costs incurred during this challenge. Also, you must still pay Agent Romanoff. She will collect her debts.]

[Submitted by: vlyandra

All personnel are hereby reminded that betting Agent Romanoff that she can not make a given item into a weapon is considered to be a serious rookie mistake, and that S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for medical costs incurred during this challenge. Also, you must still pay Agent Romanoff. She will collect her debts.]

Filed under black widow submission

476 notes

[Submitted by: thehasteur
It has been brought to my attention that one or more agents have smuggled multiple copies of the games “Apples to Apples” and “Cards Against Humanity” aboard the Helicarrier.
1. It is never appropriate to create custom cards referencing any agent
2. Any card that is capable of making Agent Romanoff blush is inappropriate for play at S.H.I.E.L.D. facilities.]

[Submitted by: thehasteur

It has been brought to my attention that one or more agents have smuggled multiple copies of the games “Apples to Apples” and “Cards Against Humanity” aboard the Helicarrier.

1. It is never appropriate to create custom cards referencing any agent

2. Any card that is capable of making Agent Romanoff blush is inappropriate for play at S.H.I.E.L.D. facilities.]

Filed under black widow nick fury submission