Posts tagged agent coulson
Posts tagged agent coulson
1. Agent Deadpool is never allowed outside the confines of The Fridge without express written consent of the Director and while accompanied by two senior agents.
2. Using Agent Fitz’s remote drones to capture personal footage is against S.H.I.E.L.D. policy
3. Leaking said the above footage of Agent Deadpool in action is both troublesome and problematic.
Your former coworkers who participated in Items 1,2, and 3 announce their unexpected permanent reassignment to The Fridge for “Special Chaperon for Special Prisoners” program. All their expenses are paid for as their salaries have been garnished until the restitution to the residents of Miami has been fulfilled.
Everyone is reminded that Agent Coulson’s new team member’s all have Clearance Level above most of you, especially you Mr. Stark. You’re Computer privileges have already been revoked. Stop trying to get them to look into Agent Coulson’s Personal file. Nor will hacking into the system help you find out if Agent K is Agent Coulson’s father.
Therefore, failure to comply will result in Agent Coulson getting out his Taser and a long stay in medical from Mr. Stark.
Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any actionthey deem necessary against whom ever it was that moved bugged or scratched Lola after their former Handler gave orders not too.
Submitted by RealmMan
Everyone is invited to meet Agent Coulson’s new team on Tuesday, September 24 at 2100 hours EST.
Attendance isn’t mandatory, but I must point out that Loki-sitting duty for the rest of the year has not yet been assigned.
See you there.
[Anyone who attempts to spike the SHIELD Holiday party punch in an attempt to see “Marcus and Cheese drunkenly reminisce about their Ranger days: part two,” will be severely punished. They will also be severely disappointed. What happened during the Thanksgiving dinner was the result of a magic spell, not a result of alcohol.
Both Agent Coulson and I are in fact both very mean drunks. You have been warned.]
[Submitted by: dedicatedfollower467
Agent Coulson is not going to “take you over his knee and spank you.”
The sexual harassment seminar is now thirty-six hours long. You have been warned.]
[Submitted by: heavilyparaphrased
The Second Annual S.H.I.E.L.D. Halloween Party and Costume Contest will be taking place on October 27th, 2012 at Avengers Tower, beginning at 2100 hours. Assistant Director Hill, Agent Coulson, and I will be judging the costume contest. This year, all eligible costumes must include proper coverage, as anyone who flashes any of the judges, deliberately or inadvertently, will be automatically disqualified.]
[Submitted by: tempestinateakettle
Agent Coulson is reminded that, as amusing as it may be, he can not continue to taze Mr. Stark whenever he’s being annoying. If he was tazed every time he was annoying, he would have brain damage. And unfortunately, S.H.I.E.L.D does need his brain intact.]
[Submitted by: notanightlight
What an agent does in their spare time is their business. Any such hobbies are permissible, as long as they do not interfere with S.H.I.E.L.D. work.
This being said, Agent Coulson’s ‘theatrical’ hobby is not to be discussed during work hours. Other agents are to immediately stop speaking to him in Shakespearean prose, submitting paperwork to him written in iambic pentameter, and leaving skulls, tights, ruffs, etc. on his desk.
If you would like to encourage him, an official S.H.I.E.L.D. field trip will be attending the Saturday performance of “Much Ado About Nothing.” Tickets are $8.50 per person. Please sign up in the break room.]
[Submitted by: Jojo
Agent Coulson has requested that agents and consultants please refrain from using slang and/or words not recognized by Merriam-Webster in official S.H.I.E.L.D. documents. Your reports do not need “jazzing up,” nor is any situation legitimately “Starktastic.”]
[Submitted by: antonomasia09
It is not acceptable to replace Agent Coulson’s suits with Hawaiian shirts and grass skirts. If his clothing is not returned by the end of the day in perfect condition, be advised that he has been authorized to deal with the situation as he sees fit, and that Agents Barton and Romanoff have also requested an opportunity to confront the perpetrator(s).]