Memos From Fury

Whoever sent 64 paternity suit letters to Mr. Stark as a...

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 14:06:12 -0700

Whoever sent 64 paternity suit letters to Mr. Stark as a Father’s Day present needs to identify themselves to me immediately.

There will be no disciplinary action. I just need to know where to send the fruit basket.

Director? My Doctor seems to have disappeared again... He wouldn't happen to be wandering your halls, would he? Also, you may wish to keep an eye on your sprinkler system. Glitter wrecks havoc among processors.

Fri, 07 Jun 2013 03:32:00 -0700

I’ll tell the IT team to brace themselves in case of incident. In the meantime, I’ve got two agents who thought it would be a good time to introduce Loki to the concept of phone spoofing. I’m sure they’d be happy to find him for you.

In the meantime, keep a better eye on your damn Doctor!

Sir- It would seem that all the printers in the building will...

Fri, 24 May 2013 18:34:53 -0700

Sir-

It would seem that all the printers in the building will only print pages saying: “All work and no play makes Fury a dull boy”. IT says they can’t find anything wrong with the system. We would very much appreciate it if whichever Avenger is involved would fix it ASAP. We already have a backlog of reports that will take the better part of the holiday weekend to reprint.

I do not care if Agent Wilson is annoying, he is a SHIELD Agent,...

Mon, 20 May 2013 06:49:27 -0700

I do not care if Agent Wilson is annoying, he is a SHIELD Agent, not ‘an infinitely resuable sacrifice to the Allfather’ for Summer Solstice, Autumn Equinox, Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. I don’t care if he says its okay with him, its not okay with me.

This means you.

Loki.

In related news, Loki’s pointy objects privileges have been revoked after this incident and another one involving Agent Wilson and a pencil.

Whoever showed Loki ‘The Dark Knight’ is sentenced to being new handler for the Young Avengers.

If you willingly offer yourself as Assistant to Loki as part of...

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:09:59 -0700

If you willingly offer yourself as Assistant to Loki as part of his magic act in the ‘SHIELD Got’s Talent’ show, any injuries will not be covered under the SHIELD Health Policy, as this comes under ‘Flagrant Acts of Dumbassery’ clause which rules all claims to medical assistance and compensation invalid.

If you survive long enough to claim health coverage, you will be forced to submit to both an IQ test and a psychiatric evaluation. You are either too dumb to work for SHIELD or insane enough to be classed in the same category of insanity as Agent Wilson.

Whoever convinced Mr Stark and Hercules to hold a ‘who is...

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:33:51 -0700

Whoever convinced Mr Stark and Hercules to hold a ‘who is the biggest stud’ competition based on past conquests is to be sentenced to a month of Loki and/or Deadpool sitting. The reasoning for this is because a reasonable debate changed when Mr Stark hacked into the Helicarrier’s systems and downloaded several dozen gigabytes worth of HD videos featuring his sexual escapades on the SHIELD bank account as evidence.

As a result, I am now getting porn adverts, computer viruses and offers of counselling from the government every time I turn on my computer.

If whoever is behind it does not own up, they will be given to Loki as a test subject. I am not pleased.

Loki would like to know who is responsible for giving him a new...

Sun, 12 May 2013 18:09:09 -0700

Loki would like to know who is responsible for giving him a new saddle and bridle for Mother’s Day.

I would personally discourage anyone from coming forward as you will probably end up wearing it. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

P.S. S.H.I.E.L.D. is not liable for any medical costs resulting from you being into that sort of thing.

Agent Wilson, this is your one and only warning - return our...

Mon, 06 May 2013 11:57:00 -0700

Agent Wilson, this is your one and only warning - return our stationery, or I can personally guarantee you will never see chimichangas for the rest of your life.

No matter what Mr. Stark says, Friday is NOT the international...

Fri, 03 May 2013 17:54:37 -0700

No matter what Mr. Stark says, Friday is NOT the international holiday “Iron Man Christmas”.

No agents will be given vacation or sick days on Friday so you can go see Mr. Stark’s new movie.

And to answer your questions now, yes, I have seen the movie - it was good, but could’ve used more of Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.

In regards to your most recent memo, are we allowed to show Loki, say, Game of Thrones in order to see which house he most identifies with?

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 18:25:58 -0700

Are you suggesting we allow a situation that will make Loki deeply consider the matter of family?

All personnel are asked to refrain from giving Loki any form of...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 13:57:19 -0700

All personnel are asked to refrain from giving Loki any form of current media on the grounds of “we wanted to see what ideas he would get”. Should any agent be discovered doing so, they shall be given Loki-sitting duty for a month.

On a related note, Agents Barton and Wilson, Dr. Banner, and Mr. Stark have until Noon today to get every last Tribble, Mogwai, Fizzgig, and other assorted critters off my boat. Failure in this task will result in the four of them being locked in Loki’s quarters, and Loki shall be given copies of both Hostel films and all movies in the Saw series.

Good luck.

Loki and Ms. Lewis are to cease using the PA system to blast...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 13:56:07 -0700

Loki and Ms. Lewis are to cease using the PA system to blast “Slytherin Night” under the pretense of expressing their house pride. They are also to stop trying to convince the junior agents to emulate the song lyrics. Encouraging them is detrimental to productivity and general mental health.

So far in my reading it's obvious this site ships Thorki. Will my asks or memos be accepted if I ship Loki (either of them I suppose but I really want to know about Loki) with someone else?

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 10:41:27 -0700

((I’m actually a new mod and I decidedly do NOT ship Thorki myself- to be honest, it skeeves me out pretty badly- so please, by all means, go ahead!))

Be advised that “You’ll never see me coming” is NOT an...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 10:33:33 -0700

Be advised that “You’ll never see me coming” is NOT an acceptable

RSVP response to Mr. Stark’s office party invitation.

S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for any outbursts of

“good old fashioned revenge” that this the use of this phrase

triggers on the part of Mr. Stark.

Let it be known that S.H.I.E.L.D. Command does not condone the...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:25:04 -0700

Let it be known that S.H.I.E.L.D. Command does not condone the actions of last Saturday evening.

While the Director appreciates that members of the Avengers Initiative, wished to help him celebrate his birthday, we cannot condone the waste of manpower, and time that was required to remove the Director’s personal fighter from the ceiling of the landing bay.

We appreciate that Alaska is considered the duct-tape capital of the world, but several manufacturers are now scrambling to cover the sudden surge of orders in the state, thanks to this prank.

While we are sure that State of Alaska appreciates the sudden influx of S.H.I.E.L.D. funds and personnel, we have assured them that nothing like this will ever be allowed to happen again.

If Mr Stark has any questions on this matter, he should be refered directly to Directory Fury’s office.We have been assured that Director Fury has been taking the anti-psychotics that were prescribed by Doctor Banner, and that the green tinge to his skin is a normal side-effect of this treatment.

Loki is reminded that the Chitauri sceptre no longer belongs to...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 06:37:22 -0700

Loki is reminded that the Chitauri sceptre no longer belongs to him, and that it should be returned immediately.

He is also obligated to return agent Barton to his former, uncompromised state once more. We can only rely on agent Romanoff’s violence for so long.

Loki is reminded that agent Barton answers to me, and only me, no matter how much you “Miss your little Hawk”.

Change of Ownership

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:17:11 -0700

Hello everyone! As I’m sure many of you have noticed, I really haven’t had the time or energy to give this blog the proper amount of attention. I’ve felt like a neglectful mod, and I’ve finally decided to do something about that.

As of today, Memos From Fury will be run by meganphntmgrl, who is awesome and excellent, and who I completely trust to give this blog the love it deserves. Treat her with respect, and play nice!

Thanks so much!

brocreate: poor steve.

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 19:36:52 -0700

brocreate:

poor steve.

April Fool’s Day Memo - “The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:17:26 -0700

April Fool’s Day Memo - “The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier is one of the most sophisticated military vehicles on the planet. Any unauthorized use, especially if followed by the phrase “April Fools!”, will result in disciplinary action.

On a related note, Mr. Stark WILL be billed for the damages he caused while piloting the Helicarrier. It was not designed to go that low over residential areas, even if it’s over a supermodel’s house.”

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not...

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 18:46:55 -0700

All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.

Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.

Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.