[Submitted by: Victoria Hill
The S.H.I.E.L.D. Olympics are a lighthearted event designed to boost agency morale; they are not an excuse to break protocol.
All drinking contests, long-distance-urination contests, and wet T-shirt contests have been cancelled. Any attempt to run an “underground” or “alternate” Olympics will result in fines and a withdrawal of coffee privileges.
Additionally, the rumor that an eyepatch will be given to winners in place of a gold medal is completely untrue.]