Memos From Fury

[Submitted by: thecomposerofshibuya

The S.H.I.E.L.D. talent show will take place this coming Tuesday at 8:00 P.M. sharp. All metahumans are advised that talents, in this case, do not include those you use to save lives on a daily basis. 

In addition, all ventriloquism is banned after last year’s incident with Mr. Stark and the Captain America puppet.]

[Submitted by: theincrediblespoopy

Attacking Spider-Man with silly string is not recommended, after last week’s incident. Anyone found webbed to the ceiling will be left there to free themselves without help from fellow agents.

Also, asking Mr. Parker to stick someone to a wall because it will be “totally funny when they wake up” is not acceptable behavior.]

[Submitted by: CathrineRose

All agents are reminded that, while SHIELD is not the army, any action/item/activity inspired by “Skippy’s List” should be considered forbidden.

This means that you are not to:

• Consider it a “bucket list”, “to do list,” or any other form of plan.

• Inform Thor or Captain America that it is a list of tasks to be completed to join any club, society, “brotherhood of warriors” or any other organization.
• Inform recruits that it must be completed to join SHIELD.
• Suggest to other agencies that any item is encouraged in SHIELD.]

My store is having a signing! Come check it out!

[Submitted by: agentpaxieamor

Junior agents are reminded that, no matter what Mr. Stark says to the contrary, being referred to as “Special Agent Galaga” is not a term of endearment or recognition of one’s skills; Mr. Stark is, in his own way, calling you an idiot.

Likewise, Mr. Stark is asked to stop insulting Junior Agents.]

[Submitted by: bklynbruzer

Your “feels” do not constitute a valid reason to miss work.]

[Submitted by: John R. McFerren 

After several instances of Drunk Science, we are prohibiting the viewing of all episodes of Mythbusters involving alcohol until further notice. Anyone caught viewing an episode of Mythbusters while imbibing alcohol during this prohibition will be given Loki-sitting duty for a month.]

[Submitted by: goblinkinginthetardis

An “All-Avengers Bohemian Rhapsody Sing-a-Long” will not be happening. It is not a bonding exercise, nor an effective use of time or resources. 

 
I don’t care if Capt. Rogers can sing the high “Galileo” when you pinch him the right way.]

[Submitted by: eager-love-revenge

All agents are to address Henry Pym and Bruce Banner as “Dr. Pym” and “Dr. Banner” respectively, regardless of the number of post-graduate degrees between them.

On a related note, under no circumstances should Mr. Stark be addressed as “Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Stark”, despite his insistence.]