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I regret to announce the resignation of our current Sexual Harassment seminar administrator. Her exact words as stated in her resignation letter read, “I give up on these horny freaks.”
That said, any agent who has been required to retake the seminar will still be required to attend the seminar, once we find a replacement administrator and complete a minor investigation into the involvement of the members of the Avengers Initiative into our former employee’s sudden resignation.
It’s been two weeks.
The Mayans were wrong.
Get back to work.
The individual who has been leaving nude pinups of Tigra in my
office addressed to “Nick Furry” is hereby requested to come to
my office and identify himself or herself so that we may discuss
appropriate disciplinary measures.
If I am required to come find this individual—and rest assured,
I will find him or her—the disciplinary measures will leave this
individual wishing within the span of two days that it had been
Loki-sitting duty.
S.H.I.E.L.D. prides itself on being a world class intelligence agency, and as such expects a certain level of professionalism in it’s facilities.
Whomever installed the new voice pack to the verbal command system should uninstall it immediately. Several of the trainee agents have had to report to medical facilities for excessive “turgidness” from their interactions with the computer.
Agent Romanov has yet to interact with the computer, but is scheduled to come on duty in a few hours. For your sake Mr Stark I pray that you remove the software before that point. HR informed me that you failed your recent Sexual Harassment refresher, and I’d hate to have to revoke more privileges from you.
It is the stated objective of S.H.I.E.L.D to protect the nations and people from all threats terestial or extraterrestrial.
Diverting the Helicarrier to rescue a kitten is not a threat to a nation or more than a few families. No matter how many times Loki says you have permission.
Failure to follow this directive will result in a deduction from any Agent’s pay who issues or assists with said order to pay for the temp worker to straighten out civil flight plans.
