Be advised that “You’ll never see me coming” is NOT an acceptable
RSVP response to Mr. Stark’s office party invitation.
S.H.I.E.L.D. is not responsible for any outbursts of
“good old fashioned revenge” that this the use of this phrase
triggers on the part of Mr. Stark.
Let it be known that S.H.I.E.L.D. Command does not condone the actions of last Saturday evening.
While the Director appreciates that members of the Avengers Initiative, wished to help him celebrate his birthday, we cannot condone the waste of manpower, and time that was required to remove the Director’s personal fighter from the ceiling of the landing bay.
We appreciate that Alaska is considered the duct-tape capital of the world, but several manufacturers are now scrambling to cover the sudden surge of orders in the state, thanks to this prank.
While we are sure that State of Alaska appreciates the sudden influx of S.H.I.E.L.D. funds and personnel, we have assured them that nothing like this will ever be allowed to happen again.
If Mr Stark has any questions on this matter, he should be refered directly to Directory Fury’s office.We have been assured that Director Fury has been taking the anti-psychotics that were prescribed by Doctor Banner, and that the green tinge to his skin is a normal side-effect of this treatment.
Loki is reminded that the Chitauri sceptre no longer belongs to him, and that it should be returned immediately.
He is also obligated to return agent Barton to his former, uncompromised state once more. We can only rely on agent Romanoff’s violence for so long.
Loki is reminded that agent Barton answers to me, and only me, no matter how much you “Miss your little Hawk”.
Hello everyone! As I’m sure many of you have noticed, I really haven’t had the time or energy to give this blog the proper amount of attention. I’ve felt like a neglectful mod, and I’ve finally decided to do something about that.
As of today, Memos From Fury will be run by meganphntmgrl, who is awesome and excellent, and who I completely trust to give this blog the love it deserves. Treat her with respect, and play nice!
Thanks so much!
April Fool’s Day Memo - “The S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier is one of the most sophisticated military vehicles on the planet. Any unauthorized use, especially if followed by the phrase “April Fools!”, will result in disciplinary action.
On a related note, Mr. Stark WILL be billed for the damages he caused while piloting the Helicarrier. It was not designed to go that low over residential areas, even if it’s over a supermodel’s house.”
All agents-in-training are hereby reminded that Mr. Stark is not in charge of their training, and any “stealth exercises” he may assign them will most likely get them seriously injured. Therefore, the medical staff will no longer be accepting, “Mr. Stark said it was a good idea,” or “Mr. Stark told me to do it,” as acceptable explanations for injuries.
Furthermore, Mr. Stark is strongly encouraged to cease and desist his “stealth exercises” immediately, lest he wish to be assigned one of his own.
Finally, Agents Barton and Romanoff hereby have my permission to take any action they deem necessary against anyone who attempts to pin notes to the back of their clothing.
I would like to remind everyone that captured alien technology is not a toy, and it is imperative that the Chitauri Mind Control device be returned to R&D immediately.
Incidentally, whoever is responsible for uploading the videos of Agent Romanov clucking and pecking while wearing a chicken costume would be strongly advised to expunge all records and copies immediately. She will find you, and even S.H.I.E.L.D.’s vast resources won’t be able to save you.
When Loki wears his ceremonial helmet, any employee who infers his resemblance to the Easter bunny does so at his or her own risk.
That said, I would ask Loki to please turn the basket of eggs in my office back into Agent Wilson.