Memos From Fury

[Submitted by: spookynebula

When Agent Hill says “Let’s get down to business,” the correct response is not to sing “Be a MAN!”]

[Submitted by: Firestorm17 

Mr. Stark is hereby reminded that the correct way to identify himself during battle is “Iron Man,” not “Leeroy Jenkins.”

He should also keep in mind that shouting anything while launching a surprise attack tends to undermine the effectiveness of the tactic.]

[Submitted by: Pablo Armas 

Due to recent activity conducted by both senior and junior agents, I would like to remind all SHIELD personnel of the following rule:

Not on my command bridge.

You know DAMN WELL what I’m talking about.]

[Submitted by: Michael

All personnel are hereby reminded that they are not required to model Ms. Van Dyne’s fashions for her.

In addition, Agent Wilson is hereby forbidden from doing so under any circumstances.]

[Submitted by: H. Savinien

Sgt. Barnes and Mr. Stark are reminded that “stress-testing” Barnes’s arm by having him arm-wrestle other S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel and allies with enhanced or mechanically-assisted strength is not an acceptable use of work hours.  Save it for your leisure time, gentlemen.]

[Submitted by: comics0026

Attempting to “one-up” the stunts from Jackass, Nitro Circus, and/or similar programs using SHIELD property and/or on-duty personnel will not be tolerated, no matter how many hits the videos get on YouTube.]

[Submitted by: MeddlesomeCat

Regarding the incident last year, Loki is to please refrain from reenacting Sleepy Hollow, Friday the 13th, Halloween, or any other horror movies he might happen to have seen in last year. And on that note, magical ‘enhancements’ to haunted houses ARE NOT appreciated.]

[Submitted by: grimsister21

Agent Wilson is reminded that using fuel and matches to become “The Human Flamethrower” is not only unbecoming, but also dangerous. Also, all S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel are reminded that they are NOT allowed to pay Agent Wilson to “shut someone up.”]

[Submitted by: dedicatedfollower467 

Agent Coulson is not going to “take you over his knee and spank you.”

The sexual harassment seminar is now thirty-six hours long. You have been warned.]